A Day in the Life of Me

I have no idea what time it is right now, but I know that I want to go back to bed. I grab the crying Ary out of her crib and whisk her back to my bedroom before she wakes up her sister. I’m successful in my rocking, and she falls back asleep on my shoulder. I begin the dangerous dance of sneaking her to my side of the bed, which (of course) is the furthest away from me. The bed is unfortunately close to the window, so I have the tiniest space to move through, trying not to accidentally open the curtains with my back-end and let the cursed sunlight in, which would surely wake the baby. A balancing act that’s getting more difficult to accomplish while holding a sleeping one year old because of my ever-growing pregnant belly. Note to self: must tell Tyler that he has to move the bed over, or I’m stealing his primo side of the bed. Shit–I forgot to switch out my preggo body pillow for the regular pillow. Very slowly, and with the help of my feet, I manage to switch the pillows. I glide into bed as gracefully as my tired, 4 months pregnant body will allow while juggling a 20 pound toddler, and… Success! I then spend X amount of time sleep wrestling with Ary, who will only sleep with me if she lays on my chest, with her head precariously close to my neck. At 9 am, she wakes up & wiggles out of bed. I run to the bathroom, since I had been holding it since she first woke up. I brush my teeth, because otherwise there’s a good chance I’ll forget about it until much later in the day.

All right day–let’s do this.

-“Show! Show!” Ary demands the minute we’re downstairs. Turn on Sesame Street.

-Change Ary’s diaper.

-Give Ary water. She takes a sip, furrows her brow and says, “Juiss! Juiss!” (I.E. “Juice!”). I make her say ‘please’, and give her some juice instead.

-Let dogs inside.

-I hear Eowyn yelling from her bed, so I pop up to get her. She uncovers herself (she was under her blankets again) when she hears me come inside. She then tells me how she was hiding from the bad Kermit. He scares her because he has teeth. She’ll watch The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings movies and be fine with the orcs, but put nasty teeth in bad Kermit and she’s terrified. Go figure.

-“Mom, I don’t actually need to go potty.” Force her to go potty.

-I get the oatmeal started on the stove. (I like to cook oatmeal on the stove because I read somewhere that microwaves kill a lot of the nutrients in food. Plus cooking oatmeal in a microwave is messy.)

-Ary starts whining because she’s starving to death. I put her in a chair and give her a cookie to tide her over.

-Then I give myself a cookie. If I can’t have coffee, I’m going to have a cookie.

-Unload/load dishwasher.

-Oatmeal is finally ready. Serve it up. Ary starts waving her spoon around, throwing oatmeal all over the floor. Thank God for dogs. I take over feeding her, and for once, she actually allows it. When she’s done, I clean her off and release her to the wild.

-I have to pee again.

-My oatmeal is cold at this point, so I reheat it in the microwave. I’m taking prenatal vitamins; whatever nutrients are being nuked out of my oatmeal will surely be replaced.

-I eat 2 bites of oatmeal when I smell it–Ary’s pooped. I abandon my oatmeal and change her diaper. I then take the nasty diaper to the trash can in the garage because I got rid of my diaper genie ages ago once I realized what a rip off the refills are. Chewbacca bolts for the door when he hears it open, so I let him out to pee. When I come back inside, Sesame Street is over. Since I still haven’t finished my oatmeal, I play a recording of Rollie Pollie Ollie (can’t watch live Disney Jr. because 3rd and Bird is on, and Eowyn says it’s weird, which it is)

-I turn around to see that I forgot to put the duct tape up after changing Ary’s diaper, and she’s now playing with it. (Yes, I have to duct tape her diapers on. If I don’t, she runs behind the couch and takes them off right away).

-After I take away the duct tape, Ary moves on to an empty Mini M&M’s container that she likes to play with. “Open! Open!” she says. I make her say ‘please’ and open it for her so she can close it again. We repeat this process of opening and closing the container for awhile. I’ve mastered popping it open one handed, so I’m able to continue eating.

-I finally finish breakfast. Ary had climbed on the table in an attempt to see what I was eating. Get Ary off of the table.

-Pee for the 3rd time this morning.

-Read a book to Ary.

-Turn off TV out of guilt of it having been on for an hour and a half straight.

-Go to check bank balance.

-Eowyn throws a fit about not being able to help me check the bank balance.

-Fail at consoling her.

-Ary pretends to get an owie from the M&M’s container. I kiss it.

-Get kids set up with a coloring book and crayons.

-Pee again.

-I come out to see that Ary’s sitting on the table again; I let it go until she starts ripping Eowyn’s coloring sheet.

"Ary, get off the table!"

“Ary, get off the table!”

-Pick up the crayons that Ary dumped all over the floor.

-Take the girls upstairs to brush their teeth (with the toothbrush game). I have to restrain Ary so I can brush her teeth, because she thinks she can do it herself, when in reality all she does is chew on the toothbrush.

-While Eowyn is finishing up her teeth, Ary climbs in the bathtub and squeezes the water out of the bath toys. She then stomps in the water.

-Get Eowyn dressed like Doc Mcstuffins, as per her request.

-Force Ary to scoot down the stairs, (She took an almost tumble last week, and now wants me to carry her downstairs every time, which is getting harder on me with my swelling belly).

-Get Eowyn set up with a floor alphabet puzzle, and go to change Ary’s diaper.

-Eowyn abandons the puzzle to try to take my blood pressure while I’m fighting with Ary, who does not want her diaper changed despite the gallon of pee in it.

-Eowyn decides she wants a smoothie before resuming her puzzle that she never really started.

-Eowyn and I make a banana, strawberry, almond milk smoothie. Ary starts whining once she sees the banana. I get her set up with a banana in a highchair. She decides she’s done after one bite.

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-Get a surprise visit from Afi (Tyler’s dad), who brought over some parts we needed to fix the rear hatch of our Tahoe. He and hubby fix the door so it stays open now (yay!).

-After a few sips of her smoothie, Eowyn asks me to save the rest for her. “Mom, you help me with my puzzle please?”

-The alphabet puzzle is a frustrating process because she has to sing the song every time to figure out which letter comes next, and Ary keeps trying to destroy the work we’ve already done. I do a lot of breathing to keep calm.

-Afi comes in when he’s done with the car and plays with Ary in the other room, leaving Eowyn & I to work on the puzzle in peace. After 5 minutes, Afi comes out looking thoroughly exhausted, declaring, “She’s a handful!”

Tell me about it.

-Chewbacca vomits on the carpet. Must abandon the puzzle to clean that up.

-While washing my hands, I realize I never put the strawberries back in the fridge.

-I hear Eowyn freaking out; Ary destroyed the puzzle.

-I console Eowyn & convince her that the world is not ending.

-I have to pee again. While washing my hands, I realize I never combed my hair; it’s sticking out of the braids I slept in. Oh well; we’re family now anyways.

-After asking the girls if they are hungry and receiving “no’s” all around, I make myself a sandwich, which becomes much more complicated than it should be because the girls get into a gazillion fights. Eowyn is trying to read a book and Ary keeps undoing her shirt.

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-I have to pee again.

-The second I sit down to eat, both girls declare that they are, in fact, starving. Who needs to eat a warm toasted sandwich anyways?

-The girls decide they want pears. I’m tempted to dig out the pear from the trash that Ary took 3 bites out of yesterday and make her eat it. I don’t; I get fresh pears. Ary decides she doesn’t want the pear anymore AFTER I started it for her. Guess I’ll be having a sandwich with a side of pear. I then go through the guessing game of figuring out what Ary actually wants to eat. Veggie straws wins.

-Eowyn only eats half of her pear, and decides she’s full. No way I’m eating this sandwich plus 1 1/2 pears. No way I’m eating this sandwich and any pears; I want another cookie.

-When I’m halfway through my sandwich, Eowyn asks if she can watch a movie. “YES!” I say. She picks out one of the two Disney movies we own that I don’t like: Cinderella 3 (the other is Cinderella 2). I remind her that I don’t like that movie. She doesn’t care. I tell her she must wait until I’m done eating. I begin to eat a bit faster, because she starts playing the “Are you done now?” game.

-Put in the movie.

-I have to pee again.

-I sneak a another cookie while the kids are distracted by Cinderella 3. I eat it slowly while watching the rain fall outside. Thank God for Cinderella 3.

-“Mom, look! Hahaha!” And my minute break is over.

-Clean Ary off; thankfully Veggie Straws aren’t too messy.

-I realize that I have 30 minutes before I have to leave for Ary’s doctor appointment. Get self & Ary dressed. Find shot records in a box in the basement. Make a mental note to organize all of our stuff one of these centuries.

-Force Eowyn to go potty and tell her it’s time for nap. Pawn a crying Eowyn off to Tyler while I take Ary to her appointment.

-Baby gets 3 shots : (

-Eowyn is asleep when we get back. I try to get Ary to fall asleep with me in my bed. It goes horribly. She takes zero comfort in snuggling with me, and proceeds to cry herself to sleep. After 8 minutes of that, I hear Eowyn call from her room. Turns out she never fell asleep; was just being quiet. I tell her that she needs to take a proper nap. She starts crying. I put Ary in her crib, and she resumes crying. Go back to my bed, and read a chapter of Game of Thrones for the next 16 minutes, until their room is finally silent. I have 45 minutes to nap before Eowyn’s dance class.

-15 minutes later, Ary’s crying. She’s pooped, so I take her downstairs to change her diaper. She’s so deliriously tired, that she never fully opens her eyes, but crys the entire time. I sneak another cookie while rocking her. She crys into my shoulder for another 20 minutes, and falls asleep. I creep upstairs ever so slowly, stopping in the upstairs hallway to rock her again because the noisy baby gate at the top of the stairs semi – woke her. I’m able to lie down in my bed with her on top of me right when it’s time to wake Eowyn up to get her ready for dance class. I call in Daddy reinforcement. He gets Eowyn started, while I work on getting out from under Ary (success!). I finish getting Eowyn ready & run out the door, just barely getting to the studio in time.

-I console Eowyn after dance class when I tell her that no, she may not go over to her friends house uninvited. I arrange a play date with mom of said friend for later this week.

-Drive through Culver’s, because I am NOT cooking tonight.

-Good thing I drove through, because the power’s out at the house.

-I change Eowyn out of her dance clothes, and we head over to Afi & Mimi’s house, where there is power.

-We all eat cold Culver’s.

-Play grocery store, where the kids over charge me. We then take the groceries “home” (Eowyn drives), and make “dinner” & “dessert” (spaghetti soup for dinner and cracker brownies for dessert; Eowyn’s recipes).

-I have to pee again.

-Dance party to Ricky Martin.

-The sugar high from the chocolate bunnies that I let the kids have after Culver’s hit, and they start doing laps around the house. I allow it, because we’re an hour away from bed time. Let the energy burn!

-Afi gives the girls small ropes that they pretend are lassos. They bother him in his library while I talk jewelry with Mimi. Thank God for grandparents.

-Eowyn starts playing pirates. Apparently, I’m the captain.

-Pirate Eowyn ties up Mimi and puts her in a time out.

-After being there for two and a half hours, Ary suddenly remembers about all of the breakable things that Mimi has around the house. She also realizes that she’s still dressed. Both problems she remedies. I forgot the duct tape, so I chase her around pulling her tights and diaper back up, while getting her away from the breakable things. Eventually, she tires of this (thank God), and moves on to playing with the strap on the play shopping cart.

-I have to pee again.

-Afi runs over to our house to check if the lights are back on after he discovers that Ary lost his spot in the book he’s reading.

-The lights are back on; hallelujah! Round up kids (Eowyn starts crying because she really wanted to camp out at Afi & Mimi’s), and head home.

-Deny Eowyn’s request on the 8 minute ride home to make up a story for her, because my brain is no longer functioning.

-Get kids inside the lighted house; Ary throws massive fit because I had the audacity to take her jacket off. Eowyn sees this as the opportune time to ask if we are still doing the bedtime story. She joins Ary in the fit throwing when I tell her no, as it is already past their bedtime.

-Force Eowyn to go potty.

-Then I go potty for the 100th time today.

-Brush teeth with toothbrush game. Thankfully, Ary allows me to help her without needing to be restrained.

-Wash Ary’s face; wash Eowyn’s face. Get Ary out of the bathtub, which she climbed into while I was washing Eowyn’s face.

-Get kids in pajamas. Eowyn wants to wear her princess nightgown; I deny her request due to the 40 degree weather. She starts crying. Force her into warmer pajamas, which she complains about because “these don’t have long sleeves! I want the one with long sleeves!” Sorry kid, those are dirty. “Why?” Because you spilled oatmeal on them and I haven’t done laundry yet.

-While I’m getting Ary dressed, Eowyn hurts herself and starts crying very loudly. Console her. Ary starts to fake cry and jumps on my lap to also be consoled. Console Ary.

-PRAY.

-Hugs and kisses all around. I tell Eowyn to get in bed while I put Ary in her crib. Eowyn wants to use her Merida blanket. I tell her that it’s not thick enough; she needs to use the princess one. She argues with me, and I give in because I don’t have the will to fight anymore, telling her, “Fine; use the Merida one and be cold.”

-Lights out; close the door. Breathe sigh of relief.

-Change into my pajamas and head downstairs to finish up this blog post that I’ve been writing all day.

-Pee again.

-Have my devotion and beg God to force the children to sleep until 10 tomorrow morning.

-Finally get comfortable in bed when I realize that I have to pee again.

I’ll usually wake up 2-3 times throughout the night to pee. Then the whole thing starts over the next day : )

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